I want to make things
From the little that I know about myself and the world around me... I've found that I derive the most amount of joy by making new things.
Creation is at the heart of every meaningful endeavour that I've taken in my life and that I want to take for the time to come. Not creating enough recently (mainly in the form of personal projects) has been a source of great dissatisfaction. Creating something or the other in my day job, however, has brought me closer to it, despite me feeling exhausted because of 14+ hour workdays and crying that it's unsustainable for me and yet, I keep working everyday, making some or the progress with each of my projects.
I'm built to run. I can't stand too still and keep consuming passively. Not only it's preferable, it's goddamn essential to my survival.
It could be making anything: code, music, essays, podcasts, hardware, speeches, muscle, friends, stories, babies... the list goes on. I see myself consuming something or the other for the rest of my life. The only thing that I need to get over is my shyness over admitting my reluctance to mindless consumption.
My brain cannot take that on: I feel dizzy after consuming too much information, no matter how well-curated it is. In the world of ever-increasing AI slop and clickbait content, NOT consuming passively is becoming a harder skill with every passing day.
If I don't meditate regularly, my thought process clouds up and I'm not able to express myself as intently as I should. Ten things keep running at the back of my head because I haven't made sense of them: my dreams, my open lines of conversations, my unfinished projects.
Beyond mere contemplation, I require action, the bias for which is something I'm trying really hard to cultivate.
A few examples to make sense of it all:
- Reading is consumption. Reading actively is making connections.
- Quoting verbatim is consumption. Learning by heart and quoting is making neural connections.
- Travelling and taking things in is consumption. Travelling mindfully and acting on the spot is making memories.
- Trying out an app is consuming patterns. Building a similar app with your own creative differences is literally making new things.
- Eating food is consumption. Using the energy it gives to work out is creation.
Not that I want to paint consumption in a bad light. Consumption of good stuff is important for high-quality creation. But the way in which our default systems are designed leads us to consume quality content already. Whatever information we want -- the greatest works and the worst of brainrot -- is all available on the tips of our fingers.
So consumption is in plenty. Creation is (still) rare.
I should not rest. I should keeping making things.